Taking

My energy is spent like the money I have been counting for six hours. Smiles have creased my red lips trying to make someone smile. Hoping that someone will laugh with me. Many people do. Many people don’t.

I give others energy hoping and pleading for them to give some back. Anything. A smile, wink, wave, nod, or even a twitch. Usually I get a grimace, a stare, or a leer.

It is as if we have been raised to take something, say thank you, but never regard whether any energy should be given back to the person.  A bunch of social vampires sucking from the energy of those who haven’t realized what the game is. That caring is losing because we all want to be cared about but most will never be the one to care in the first place. And not just caring that is an ‘of course I love’ or ‘you’re my bitch’. Deep bonding of souls. Acknowledgement of others as unique beings worthy of attention. Something and not nothing.

These victims go home wondering why am I different? What can I do to keep these people around? Why do these thoughts keep racing through my head? I’m not good enough. Will never be enough. Can never be enough. Maybe eventually someone will appreciate the care I take for others. They harden their hearts to prepare for more pain and many eventually become vampires themselves.

Never giving, always taking.

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